Friday, 1 April 2016

Bit of a difficult week

The short week after Easter Monday wasn't so great. I spent much of it in bed. The new anti depressants I have been given are kicking my arse. This week was the second at the higher level of 100mg and I was so tired every single day I could not get up for more than a short time and sometimes, not at all. I felt like I had brain fog, a head full of fuzz and cotton wool, unable to think properly or even manage the smallest tasks. The physical side was even worse, it felt like wading through treacle, swimming against the current. I tried to get up and dressed and go downstairs in time for the boys coming home but I was so exhausted I couldn't even stand up in the kitchen and cook. Jon took over and looked after everyone, I just existed, barely. I had bright moments when the sun shined but though the spirit was willing the flesh was weak and by friday I wondered how much more I could cope with. I slept all day, all day, only sitting up or going down for meals, Jon and George were home and thankfully got on with things quite happily downstairs. It felt horrible being up here on my own and no use to anyone, but I really was no use, I wondered at this point if I was ill or if the tablets were doing this to me and settled on the latter - deciding if I was going to made to feel so tired then I would start to take them at night. Whether it was that decision, whether some strength came back or whether the recharge of total rest on Friday I don't know, but I have managed to get up and go out over the weekend. What happens next I don't know. In the meantime, I have been referred for CBT after my insight therapy assessment. It might take a while to come through, but I'm in the system. 

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