The last week....

 

Our Number 20....how do we even begin to come to terms with losing you...

I made a bouquet with a little bit of everything from the garden for Diogo and Andre. I'd felt like we needed to go to Anfield from the moment the news hit on Thursday, but working every day since including Saturday at the Village Fete meant today was our first opportunity. It was a strange and sombre journey there, i realised the last time we travelled there in our Liverpool shirts and scarves had been for the premier league parade when everything was celebratory and full of excitement and happiness, and now we were a club in mourning. 

The atmosphere at the ground was quiet and respectful, gentle and friendly, but with most people quietly shuffling around, laying tributes, taking photos and videos, hugging loved ones and sniffling into tissues. I was holding it together as i gently laid our flowers but as we moved away i spotted a child's letter with a game controller...that broke my heart all over again and i turned away and said to Jon look at the controllers...suddenly realising there were many of them, often with messages or stickers, notes and drawings. Children had given their teddies too and someone had drawn a picture of his three dogs. It was all so personal, so heartfelt and so poignant. 

It felt right to be there and pay our respects and to say our personal goodbye, but my heart remains with his family and teammates and friends who will live with this continuing grief and miss his presence forever. It immediately took me back to the horrific gap my Dad left when he died suddenly 30 years ago, nothing ever fills the space and all you can do is grow around it.